Blocks to Life’s Gifts
I don’t mean to pull the ‘yoga teacher’ card with this post. Already you might have a sense of what this is going to be about - staying grateful - but before any more eye rolls, just hear me out.
Recently when I was in a “low mood” (crappy, irritated, swearing at other drivers on the road) I realized something. When I feel low (better word for shitty, right?) I tend to view the world as “out to get me” with the common agenda of making my life WORSE.
Everything is very “woe is me” and generally dramatic.
But when I feel elevated and great and happy, the world is a great place! The same drivers I might have sworn at in my low mood, were just enjoying their time and had no need to rush through the street.
Jess Lively (my favorite podcaster, teacher, and MY BOSS) once heard this from her intuition, “it’s a gift not an expense.”
That first part, “it’s a gift”, sounds nice right? And we can probably see how everything in our life - loved ones, jobs, food, trees, birds, dogs - can feel that way when we are feeling GOOD.
But the second part of that sentence, “not an expense”, is one I want to focus on.
We have all felt low before, maybe for hours or days or even years. But what has become abundantly clear to me is that the reason for feeling low and for feeling like life (and everything in it) is (are) out to get you, is explained in the word, “expense.”
Allow me to explain through the 3 limiting beliefs at play here:
You deserve to feel shitty
When you don’t feel good, there is a part of you that feels that way but then there is another part of you that feels you deserve to feel that way.
That sounded confusing but can you see that!?
How insane. It isn’t enough to feel low, but you also have to make yourself feel as though you deserve it.
We all do it though. Even the most (what we would call) privileged person out there has this belief of deserving to feel bad.
So when a driver cuts you off and you react with anger, you are also reacting with a bit of “I don’t deserve this!” because part of you believes you do. If you were confident in your knowing that you are deserving of good things and are a worthy being, someone cutting you off wouldn’t become such a huge trigger for you.
This belief of deserving to feel shitty is the price you decided to pay for experiencing an occasional tummy ache, a rainy day, or being stuck in a traffic jam. There’s the thing (a tummy ache) and then there’s the story of the thing (I deserve this).
There is a “cost” to you being here
When we look at a baby, we can see the gift that resides in this little being. But, when we look at ourselves, the sense of us being “gifts” feels far-fetched.
At some point we picked up this belief of there being a “cost” to us being here.
“In order for me to feel joy, I must also (or first) feel sadness.”
“If there is no struggle then there is no success.”
“This amazing thing just happened to me but I can’t be too happy about it in case I jinx it.”
There is a needing to exchange one’s sense of ease for low.
It’s ME ME ME
I am not worthy of _________ (fill in the blank).
Success? Joy? Love? Ease? Peace? Calm?
When we inherently feel unworthy, we have a story of “bad things and feelings just always find a way to me.”
It is written in my stars that this is just how life is for me. Me, me, me, poor me.
There is nothing I can do about it, because it is ME.
Well, so now what?
90% of transformation is awareness.
Awareness releases the identification with thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. The more you can see the thing as a thing, it becomes a thing vs. something that defines you. ⠀
Once we can increase our awareness of these beliefs that we want to change, action becomes more and more doable. ⠀
The more you can realize (with kindness) that your mind stuff is not YOU, and to not identify with its stuff, the more room you have for ease and flow. Maybe even some joy. ⠀
Next time you are feeling down, start to pull out the top beliefs with these questions:
Are you feeling like you deserve to feel shitty?
Does this feel like an exchange you have to make for something good that just happened?
Do you believe that it’s just YOU and YOU are synonymous with bad feelings?
You’re not alone in this! Remember, it is not just YOU.
All the love,
Nishi
⠀
